{"id":28950,"date":"2023-01-30T10:43:35","date_gmt":"2023-01-30T08:43:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/getitmagazine.co.za\/highway-berea\/blog\/2023\/01\/30\/love-to-say-no\/"},"modified":"2023-01-30T10:43:35","modified_gmt":"2023-01-30T08:43:35","slug":"love-to-say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/getitmagazine.co.za\/highway-berea\/blog\/2023\/01\/30\/love-to-say-no\/","title":{"rendered":"Love to say NO"},"content":{"rendered":"

Set boundaries, prioritise yourself and your own energy and healing<\/strong><\/h4>\n

What if you declined a dinner invite or said no to an event your ex would be at, or even just said no to anything. This might leave you feeling a little selfish or guilty.<\/strong>
\nIt doesn\u2019t matter that you\u2019re emotionally and physically exhausted, or that your mental health is suffering. You might lie awake in bed, thinking about how you should have done something differently or been better in some other way. Saying no feels like a failure, like you\u2019re incompetent or unequipped to handle the situation, you might worry about how it affects the other person.<\/p>\n

But if saying NO helps you prioritise yourself and your own energy and healing, are you really being selfish?
\nEven though it\u2019s defined as being concerned with only your own personal pleasure and profit, as well as lacking consideration for others, we still think of selfish as the times when we\u2019re simply putting ourselves first.
\nWe\u2019re told we need to adjust our own oxygen mask first before helping others in a plane emergency. Or to make sure the scene is safe for you before helping anyone who\u2019s hurt. No one would call us selfish for following those instructions.
\nSometimes the right thing is to be \u2018selfish\u2019. Don\u2019t define your actions on other people\u2019s judgements.<\/p>\n

Be selfish when:<\/strong><\/h4>\n

YOU NEED HELP IN ANY WAY<\/strong>
\nDon\u2019t avoid asking for it! If getting help from a co-worker, psychologist, friend or companion helps you stress less or feel better, this is going to be good for your stress levels and ultimately your mental health.<\/p>\n

YOU NEED TO REST<\/strong>
\nWhen you\u2019re feeling tired \u2014 it doesn\u2019t matter if it\u2019s emotionally, mentally, or physically \u2014 it\u2019s time to rest. Sometimes, that just comes down to sleep. Lack of sleep can cause trouble focusing, a weakened immune system, and memory issues, headaches. We often feel like we have to keep going. Sometimes sleep isn\u2019t at the top of our priorities. Forcing yourself to be with others when you\u2019re exhausted is also tiring.<\/p>\n

YOU JUST NEED ALONE TIME<\/strong>
\nSocial interactions can be exhausting for some people. There\u2019s no shame in taking time for yourself.
\nIf you\u2019ve been going nonstop, your mood is all out of whack, or you need to re-evaluate your relationships, now may be a good time to plan some alone time.<\/p>\n

IT\u2019S TIME TO END A RELATIONSHIP, JOB, OR LIVING SITUATION<\/strong>
\nIt\u2019s never easy breaking up with a significant other, moving to a new city, or quitting a job. If you feel bad when you interact with someone or dread encountering them again, it\u2019s time rethink your relationship.
\nWe often stay in friendships or relationships because we\u2019re scared of hurting someone. But when it comes to relationships that are damaging, sometimes you need to put yourself first.
\nIt\u2019s not self-sustaining to continue a relationship \u2014 or job or anything, especially one that\u2019s in any way abusive \u2014 that no longer makes you happy. If something is affecting your well-being, it might be time to say goodbye.
\nThe balance of give-and-take is especially important when living with someone. Do you find yourself doing all the errands and chores when you get home from work while they come home and put their feet up? It\u2019s important to have balance to avoid both resentment and fatigue.
\nDepending on the situation, you may choose to talk to them, take a short break to recharge, find a way to schedule or delegate chores or cut them out completely. It\u2019s not selfish to prioritise your own needs over others if the act of giving is causing you more harm.<\/p>\n

TO AVOID BURNOUT, AFTER WORK OR IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE<\/strong>
\nEveryone is susceptible to burnout or work exhaustion. Certain professions can be exceptionally draining. When burnout occurs, it can hurt both your professional and personal life.
\nSo when clocking-out time comes, truly clock out. No matter what you do, make sure you have time to separate yourself from work. Creating this work-life balance can help you avoid burnout and bring more happiness to your personal life.<\/p>\n

Take care of yourself:<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Don\u2019t neglect yourself and your health to avoid feeling selfish. You can reduce your stress by being a little selfish now and then and practicing some good old self-care.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here are some ways to set boundaries in a healthy way:<\/strong>
\n\u2022 First analyse if you want to do the thing suggested or not. If you\u2019re not sure \u2013 tell the person you will get back to them.
\n\u2022 You don\u2019t have to answer anyone immediately \u2013 If you don\u2019t know what to say – I tell them I have to rush to the loo and will chat when I get back, then I can think it through without any pressure.
\n\u2022 Take the word \u2018You\u2019 away when answering \u2013 make everything about yourself instead … so instead of saying something like you\u2019ve left dishes everywhere, choose I need dishes to be done, or that doesn\u2019t work for me. I think, I want, I feel.
\n\u2022 Give the other person options that work for you \u2013 people are quite lazy and usually go with one option, it\u2019s not often that they will ask for more alternatives. So l can\u2019t meet you tonight but I could have coffee with you on Monday or lunch next Sat \u2013 what works for you? What do you think?
\n\u2022 Do some neurofeedback sessions to handle boundaries better, de-stress, get better sleep and recoup from this hectic year and family stresses over the festive season.
\nWhatever you do, remember to take care of yourself. And don\u2019t forget, it\u2019s never selfish to do so.<\/p>\n

For more info about Brain Harmonics and Neurofeedback Training, visit www.brainharmonics.co.za<\/a><\/p>\n

Text:<\/strong> Kerry Rudman from Brain Harmonics<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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