{"id":33166,"date":"2023-07-28T10:00:32","date_gmt":"2023-07-28T08:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/getitmagazine.co.za\/highway-berea\/?p=33166"},"modified":"2023-07-28T10:53:40","modified_gmt":"2023-07-28T08:53:40","slug":"from-despair-to-doula","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/getitmagazine.co.za\/highway-berea\/blog\/2023\/07\/28\/from-despair-to-doula\/","title":{"rendered":"From despair to doula"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tenacious. Spirited. Tender-hearted. Gaelyn Cokayne could put most of us to shame. Having to learn to walk again, more than once, this remarkable Morningside mother\u00a0 has risen above her challenges.<\/p>\n

Thirty-eight year old Gaelyn Cokayne was obese for the better part of her adult life. She was sporty throughout school …. but then food, life and depression exploded.<\/p>\n

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Photo: Derryn Schmidt; Hair and make-up: Kendra Whelan; Lashes: Cobi Naud\u00e9<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Unhappy with her weight, Gaelyn started extreme exercising before experiencing pain in her lower leg. Doctors said it was tendonitis and instructed her to rest for six months. After three months, there was no improvement, so she did her own research and consulted a surgeon who confirmed she had Chronic Compartment Syndrome \u2013 an exercise-induced muscle and nerve condition that causes pain, swelling and sometimes disability \u2013 and she was scheduled for surgery.<\/p>\n

\u201cI woke up from my operation expecting to be healed, but found myself instead in immense pain and with a foot I couldn\u2019t move!\u201d<\/p>\n

As a paramedic Gaelyn knew what to look for more than the average person and, after undergoing painful nerve conduction studies, getting a second opinion and undergoing a second surgery some months later, she learned that the previous surgeon had severed three bundles of nerves and 75 per cent of a fourth. The new surgeon grafted the nerves and explained that she would need to wait two years to see if the surgery had worked.<\/p>\n

There was no improvement with her foot drop, and it seemed as though Gaelyn\u2019s condition would be permanent. But that didn\u2019t stop her from challenging herself. For the next few months, she spent hours every day relearning how to walk, drive and run. She wore a permanent leg brace. In 2015, she attempted (but failed) a half Ironman, and was the only paraplegic woman to come last and first at the same time. She went on a mission to raise money for people who couldn\u2019t afford prosthetics.<\/p>\n

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Photo: Derryn Schmidt; Hair and make-up: Kendra Whelan; Lashes: Cobi Naud\u00e9<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Since her first surgery in 2011, Gaelyn has lost 35kg. She started her own business to help others reach their weight loss goals and took up CrossFit. But, the years of yo-yo dieting had taken their toll, and Gaelyn\u2019s weight eventually doubled.<\/p>\n

\u201cHaving been obese my whole life, I felt like a failure watching others successfully lose weight and not being able to achieve the same. I tried it all – personal trainers, dieting, black market pills. Nothing worked.\u201d<\/p>\n

By this stage Gaelyn had fatty liver disease, gallstones and a benign tumour on her liver. She was insulin resistant, and still in chronic pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had a medical condition \u2013 an eating disorder – that needed medical intervention. I needed to do something to save my life, so I investigated bariatric (weight loss) surgery.\u201d<\/p>\n

Since she met the surgery requirements Gaelyn underwent bariatric surgery in February 2022. Just two weeks later, she was hit with severe nausea and vomiting. It was constant. Each time she was readmitted to hospital, she underwent routine testing, put on IVs and then sent home. What nobody picked up, until a neurologist came to see her, was that Gaelyn had developed a Thiamine (Vitamin B1) deficiency. Fairly uncommon, its symptoms range from fatigue to nerve damage, heart issues and paralysis.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was becoming paralysed, with nerve damage, from my neck down. My voice and my breathing changed, I lost the use of my bladder and I had to have a drip in my neck because I couldn\u2019t keep anything down.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Gaelyn, Stevie and Jessi. Photo: Derryn Schmidt; Make up: Stephanie Smith; Lashes: Cobi Naud\u00e9<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Gaelyn recalls lying in her hospital bed and being told that within 48 hours she was likely to be in ICU on a ventilator facing mortality.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have three beautiful children – five year old Stevie, Jessi, who\u2019s three, and my stepdaughter Zoe who is 19.\u00a0 My concern wasn\u2019t learning to walk anymore, it was whether I was going to live.\u201d<\/p>\n

After her diagnosis, Gaelyn stopped deteriorating. She was lucky to have survived, but the hardest part of her journey was still to come. She spent a total of 49 days in the hospital, during which time she grappled with the months of physio, rehabilitation, being at the mercy of others and a body that felt like it was failing her.<\/p>\n

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What made is even harder was the fact that her children were not allowed to visit her in the ward, which was traumatic for them all.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I\u2019m done, I told the nurse. I was tired, felt defeated and couldn\u2019t bear the thought of never being completely ME for my girls. It was only when the nurse asked me what I wanted her to tell my children if I gave up the struggle, that I realized I had to keep fighting.\u201d<\/p>\n

And so began Gaelyn\u2019s mental and physical fight to survive it all, no matter how overwhelming it was.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy children gave me reason, and the love and encouragement from friends, family and others who were rooting for me, gave me strength. I also realized how vital vulnerability is to recovery. My diagnosis and experience might have been very unique, but my suffering was not, and we all have the power to overcome, it\u2019s a hell of a lot easier if you\u2019re not doing it on your own.\u201d<\/p>\n

A firm believer that everything she went through was for a good reason, Gaelyn started a WhatsApp support group for women considering bariatric surgery. She\u2019s also studying trauma debriefing, end of life doula training and post-partum doula training.<\/p>\n

In July she became a certified Professional Life Coach and launched The Bariatric Doula, a platform she coaches women on bariatric surgery journeys.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the one thing I wish I\u2019d had on mine. A friend, counsellor, confidante \u2026 someone experienced enough to help provide the tools to get me through.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Photo: Derryn Schmidt; Hair and make-up: Kendra Whelan; Lashes: Cobi Naud\u00e9<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Now 60kg lighter, almost half her weight prior to surgery, Gaelyn is standing strong. She\u2019s made huge progress because she\u2019s invested the time and refuses to be weak. All her chronic conditions are gone, apart from the chronic pain due to the nerve damage she\u2019s suffered. She exercises every day, goes to gym three times a week (she works closely with a personal trainer on recovery exercises), she\u2019s signed up for singing lessons, dance classes and is pouring her heart into being the most authentic version of herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cLife changes in an instant. Don\u2019t waste precious time hating who you are or what you look like. You are so much more than your size, your hair, your height, your weight, your skin, your teeth or your stretch marks. I did this because I loved myself enough, and I would never be where I am now if I hadn\u2019t been through what I have. Whenever I am having a bad day, I just look down at my scars \u2013 the biggest of which is 40cm long \u2013 and remind myself how far I\u2019ve come! I\u2019ve surpassed all expectations, achieved so much despite my disability, and I will carry on pushing myself to greatness! I\u2019ve learnt how strong I am, and I have become unstoppable!<\/p>\n

Details: IG: @gaecokayne and @thebariatricdoula<\/p>\n

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Photo: Derryn Schmidt; Hair and make-up: Kendra Whelan; Lashes: Cobi Naud\u00e9<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Gaelyn\u2019s tips to be life-inspired<\/strong><\/p>\n