PR trailblazer and interior decorator Marilize Jacobs \u2014 a proud Pretoria local \u2014 invites us to rethink kindness, starting with ourselves this World Kindness Day.<\/p>\n
I built my identity on a foundation of “no.” Can you relate?<\/p>\n
Especially my teenage world was a carefully curated list of rejections: That \u201cdweeb\u201d outfit? I’d never wear it. That idea of my mom? Nope \u2013 too uncool. “No” felt like a superpower, a way to define my edges and keep myself safe. The rebellious me.<\/p>\n
Then, I stumbled upon a perspective that shifted everything. It didn’t just change my mind; it changed the trajectory of my life, my business, and the legacy I want to leave for my boy-girl twins.<\/p>\n
In a world that rightly champions healthy boundaries, and trust me, as a female entrepreneur, ambivert and a mom, I say “no” often. We’ve become masters of refusal. But on this World Kindness Day, I want to talk about a different, often forgotten, act of profound kindness: the kindness of saying YES to yourself.<\/p>\n
The “sell-out” mentality that shaped a generation<\/strong><\/p>\n My mindset was forged in the 1990s and early 2000s, an era dominated by one piercing question: “Are you a sell-out?”<\/p>\n It was a time when authenticity was measured by what you rejected. When a beloved indie band signed a major record deal, it felt like a personal betrayal. They had said “yes” to the very things we, as a culture, had collectively sworn to say “no” to.<\/p>\n Then, writer Dave Eggers responded to his own critics of “selling out” with a powerful manifesto for “yes.” His words were reminded to me by Jason Feifer.<\/p>\n \u201cThe thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something\u2026 When you die, and it really could be this afternoon, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no\u2019s you\u2019ve said\u2026 No is to live small and embittered, cherishing the opportunities you missed.\u201d<\/p>\n I read that and my carefully constructed world of “no” suddenly felt like a prison. I realised my life wouldn’t be defined by the things I refused, but by the things I had the courage to try.<\/p>\n The kindness of curiosity and “the let them” theory<\/strong><\/p>\n This is where kindness and curiosity intersect. We often think kindness is something we direct outward, but the most radical kindness is the one we offer ourselves. It\u2019s the kindness of curiosity – of asking “What if?” instead of immediately declaring “I can’t.”<\/p>\n As a mother, I see this with my twins. The immediate “no” to a new activity is a default setting. My role isn’t to force a “yes,” but to gently nurture their curiosity. This is beautifully supported by the “Let Them” theory by Mel Robbins. When your mind throws up a barrier of fear or judgment, you don’t have to fight it. You can simply let it be, and then choose to be curious anyway.<\/p>\n This is where Mel Robbins\u2019 wisdom is so crucial. She famously says, \u201cYou have to stop being afraid of what can go wrong and start being excited about what could go right.\u201d<\/p>\n That shift from fear to excitement is an act of self-kindness. It\u2019s giving yourself permission to try, even when the outcome is uncertain. Celebrating the “yes” itself as an accomplishment, regardless of the result, creates a powerful positive feedback loop. We are so outcome-obsessed that we forget the bravery and growth inherent in the attempt.<\/p>\n