With nearly 20 years of experience as a Certified Financial Planner®, Durban’s Mel Jacoby has witnessed extensive financial abuse against women. Many women find themselves in dire financial straits and unable to support themselves when their relationships end. Recognising that financial abuse affects one in three women, Mel shares valuable insights and resources to help women with these challenging situations.
She is not shy to say that the family court system seems to work against women; the process is slow, demoralising, degrading, and, in her opinion, completely biased. She says the winner is often the one with the money and connections to bribe and pay off.
“Financial abuse occurs in 99 per cent of abusive relationships and is the number one reason women feel trapped and unable to leave an abusive relationship. 78 per cent of those in these relationships don’t recognise financial abuse as a form of domestic violence – women and the elderly being the most common victims.”
Mel says that financial abuse does not discriminate; it affects individuals across all socio-economic groups, regardless of age, gender, or social status.
What is financial abuse?
According to Mel, financial abuse is a systemic behaviour where one individual tries to control another by using money to limit, restrict, exploit, manipulate, or as a form of revenge.
“The abuser typically employs coercive tactics to control the abused. Initially, this behaviour often goes unnoticed during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but its impact is profound and far-reaching, leaving a trail of destruction that is both traumatising and paralysing for the abused. Financial abuse is “unseen” as opposed to physical abuse.
Another commonly used term is ‘Economic Exploitation/Abuse.’ This type of abuse can be prosecuted under The Domestic Abuse Act 116/1998, and as Mel notes, can bring about much-needed change for victims and survivors.
Types of financial abuse
Financial abuse often targets women through various controlling behaviours:
- Restricting their access to income.
- Hiding assets or money.
- Withholding or refusing to pay maintenance as a form of revenge or punishment.
- Abusers may also engage in fraudulent insurance claims.
- Gambling, or addictive behaviours that contribute to financial control.
- Adult children exploiting their parents for financial bailouts.
- Coercing women into credit or finance agreements.
- Preventing women from accessing education or employment are additional tactics.
- Denying women access to shared finances.
- Preventing transparency and disclosure in managing family wealth.
Where to find help
The financially abused should seek professional help to understand their own money story and the extent of their financial abuse. Mel shares the following guidelines, which she uses as part of her initial coaching process, to help individuals gain insight into their own money story:
- Identify what attracted you to your current situation. Most likely, the exact thing that attracted you in the first place is what is evident and exaggerated in the abuse.
- Who was your mentor or role model that shaped your beliefs about money? What did you learn from them?
- How did your role model/mentor shape your belief system/money script about money?
- What values are important to you?
- How are those beliefs/money scripts serving your values?
- Are those beliefs/money scripts the legacy you wish to pass on to your children?
- Put an action plan in place to regain control and empower yourself financially.
- Implement the plan and set a time frame to achieve the actions mapped out.
- Rebuild and join support groups to help you work through the trauma and destruction that you have left behind.
- Ensure you are accountable to someone – a close friend, Counsellor, Psychologist and a Financial Planner who specialises in this type of Money Coaching and/or Financial Abuse.
- Be patient and stay focused on your goal: to become Financially Independent and reclaim your power.
- Remember – safety first.
For the abuser
Mel recommends that abusers seek professional advice and counselling to uncover the root causes of their need for control and dominance and to address underlying issues of entitlement and power dynamics. She also notes that legal consequences can serve as a deterrent, imposing penalties and restrictions that may help hold abusers accountable for their actions.
Lastly, Mel explains that financial abuse is a critical and often overlooked aspect of GBV. She runs workshops on this topic, emphasising that addressing financial abuse requires a multi-faceted approach: empowering victims through financial literacy and support systems, raising public awareness and implementing stringent legal measures against perpetrators. By understanding the complexities and impacts of financial abuse, we can create a society that recognises this form of control as severe abuse and provides victims with the tools and support needed to regain their independence.
Details: You can follow Mel Jacoby from MVest Finance on FB: @mvestfinance, IG: @mvestfinance, LI: linkedin.com/in/meljacoby or contact her on 083 435 2927 or info@mvestfin.co.za
