Bullying … how to spot it, stop it and support your kids.
Bullying doesn’t always leave bruises. Sometimes, the deepest wounds are invisible – the anxious stomach aches, the silence at the dinner table, the fear of going to school. Across South Africa, bullying is reaching alarming levels, and the scars it leaves can last a lifetime. By becoming more aware and proactive, parents, teachers and peers can all help break the cycle.
Recent studies show that more than one in three learners in South African schools experience some form of bullying, with verbal and cyberbullying among the most common. The rise in social media access has given bullying a new, constant platform – one that follows kids home.
Examples of bullying include:
- Repeated teasing or name-calling
- Physical intimidation or violence
- Exclusion or spreading rumours
- Threats, manipulation or social pressure
- Hurtful messages or posts online
And it doesn’t only affect the victim – it changes the classroom climate, damages self-esteem and often impacts academic performance for everyone involved.
Know the signs
Kids often don’t speak up about bullying out of shame, fear or simply not knowing how to describe what they’re going through. Parents and caregivers should look out for:
- Sudden changes in mood or behaviour
- Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings
- Sleep problems or frequent headaches
- Avoidance of school or social situations
- Drop in grades or focus
- Loss of appetite or emotional withdrawal
Trust your instincts. If something feels ‘off’ it probably is.
How parents can deal with bullying
- Create safe space conversations
Don’t wait for your child to bring it up. Ask open-ended questions like:
“What’s break time like for you lately?” or “Is there anyone who’s been bothering you?”
- Validate their feelings
Resist the urge to brush it off with “just ignore them” or “stand up for yourself.” Say things like:
“I’m really sorry that’s happening. That’s not okay.”
- Take it seriously – but stay calm
Reacting with anger or shame can make a child shut down. Listen fully before jumping into action. Then, document the incidents and approach the school professionally.
- Work with the school, not against them
Ask for a meeting with the class teacher, principal or school counsellor. Request a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy and keep a record of communications.
- Support mental health
Ongoing bullying can lead to anxiety and depression. If needed, consult with a child psychologist or counsellor for additional support.
What victims of bullying can do
- Speak up – you’re not alone
Tell a trusted adult. This could be a parent, teacher or school counsellor. Staying silent only gives the bully more power.
- Don’t retaliate
Stay calm. Walk away. Bullies often want a reaction. Practise saying: “Leave me alone,” or “I don’t like that,” or “That’s not funny.”
- Stay close to friends
There is safety in numbers. Stick with a group you trust, and look out for one another.
- Save the evidence (for cyberbullying)
Take screenshots, block the bully and report the behaviour to the platform and a responsible adult.
- Know this: It’s NOT your fault
You deserve to feel safe and respected. Being bullied doesn’t mean you’re weak – it means someone else is making the wrong choice.
Need help?
If you or your child needs support, these resources can help: Childline South Africa – 08000 55 555 (24/7 helpline), South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) – 0800 456 789 or SMS 31393. For online resources, you can visit stopbullying.org.za
