For entrepreneurs Ayanda and Phumlani Njilo, the most romantic way to get married was to elope. No waiting period, no frenzies, no high costs. Just a chic, intimate, adventurous and unique bonding experience between the two of them
Before they reached the pinnacle of their relationship, Ayanda and Phumlani spent five years getting ready for a lasting and happy union. For this La Lucia couple, it was about so much more than setting a date, exchanging vows and starting a family. Behind closed doors, they embarked on a journey (not without breakups and makeups) that proved to even the sceptical, that ultimately, love wins. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, they spill the beans on marrying young, doing it solo and celebrating many milestones … together.
March 1 2023 marks the Njilos 10th wedding anniversary. On this date each year, they choose to reflect on shared memories, challenges overcome and all that their love has endured. They throw back to their nerve-wracking, but carefully considered, decision to elope. They brag proudly about their two mischievous offspring – Milani (5) and Zoey (6) – who clearly inherited their mom’s love of theatre and glam, and reveal how small gestures and good communication have had a great impact on their constantly improving relationship.
For Ayanda, preparing for a life together and sharing many special experiences before saying ‘I do’ has made married life that much sweeter.
“Sure, love is all you need – but there is so much that needs to be explored outside of this. Understanding each other’s values is huge, and traveling together gives you a chance to see how you each handle stressful situations, which is a valuable insight for a future life together. Then there’s playing the game – living together, meeting each other’s favourite people, agreeing on fundamental topics like finances and, one of the most life-changing, kids. There’s a reason why it took us so long to get married, and this sums it up pretty well I think.”
Ayanda and Phumlani’s love story goes back to her days at uni res. The qualified legal eagle who, after practising for eight years turned her back on law to run the family business (Induduzo Bespoke Funerals) alongside her highly entrepreneurial husband, says it was by no means love at first sight but, Phumlani outdid himself to finally win her over.
“We met through a friend of his. I used to tutor maths and English and his friend was one of my students. Phumlani managed to ‘steal’ my number from his friend’s phone and got in touch with me. At first, I was not very interested in him. I thought he was a player, but it turned out that he is more of a romantic. He offered me lifts to and from res, bought me groceries (I’ll never forget the marshmallows he dropped off one day), checked in on me while I was studying and he offered to teach me how to drive. These small, but kind gestures became the reason I fell in love with him. His gentle heart and very generous ways continue to be the reason I love him today.”
Phumlani on the other hand, was besotted from the get-go.
“Ayanda was, and still is, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. She was very different to anyone I’d met – very principled, driven and independent, which was so attractive to me. Something else I love about her is that she is always ready to dish out words of affirmation. These make me feel wanted, needed and loved.”
As with all relationships, the Njilos were thrown a few curve balls along the way, and although they did press the pause button at one stage before they were married, it wasn’t for long.
“We all know absence makes the heart grow fonder. We were both in a negative space and that needed to change, so we found Christ, made a pact to be better people and decided to give love another go. I’m so glad we did!” gushes Ayanda.
As romance would have it, Phumlani proposed over a spectacular dinner at the Oyster Box Hotel in Umhlanga – one of the couple’s favourite places to enjoy a regular date night or a special occasion like Valentine’s Day.
Yearning for the freedom to commit their lives to one another on their terms, Ayanda and Phumlani eloped. The couple flew to Cape Town where they exchanged vows – their pastors officiated – under a dramatic sunset on Table Mountain.
“Our decision to elope was not hasty. We didn’t have the means to afford the wedding of our dreams and we really wanted to be together. We were very young, and few people believed in us. But, we believed in each other and our love for one another and that has kept us together all these years. We’ve conquered a lot together, and we’ve never looked back with regret.”
Fast forward a decade and they’re celebrating a milestone traditionally represented by tin or aluminium, which symbolize the strength and resilience of a marriage. The Njilos are marking their anniversary by travelling to a few (not just one!) dream destinations this year, when they will be able to enjoy some much-needed time off.
“Ten years is a long time when you consider how long we’ve really been together,” says Phumlani. “As an active entrepreneur, being married to a smart and empowered woman who believes in the culture of movement, working hard, being driven and being active in our business has its challenges, because we need to find time for each other outside of our working relationship. But, we do our best to find a balance. We make a huge effort to set our business stuff aside after hours, and focus on ourselves, as well as on the kids,” he adds.
For Ayanda – who adores being showered with gifts (who doesn’t!) – Phumlani can be compared to her morning coffee.
“Hot, strong and sweet … just how I like it. LOL! On a serious note, there’s something sacred about him. He’s a great leader and I have to give credit where it is due as he always prioritizes me, Valentine’s Day or not! Right from the start of our marriage, we made a decision to never stay angry with one another, to communicate kindly and effectively (even when we are not in a good place), and to get out of the house and spend as much time together, as we can, doing things that uplift and bring us closer together. Life has been such an adventure with Phumlani. He remains the man of my dreams and my lifetime partner. I’m really looking forward to all of the new memories we are able to create together. Happy anniversary to us!”
