Tenacious. Spirited. Tender-hearted. Gaelyn Cokayne could put most of us to shame. Having to learn to walk again, more than once, this remarkable Morningside mother has risen above her challenges.
Thirty-eight year old Gaelyn Cokayne was obese for the better part of her adult life. She was sporty throughout school …. but then food, life and depression exploded.
Unhappy with her weight, Gaelyn started extreme exercising before experiencing pain in her lower leg. Doctors said it was tendonitis and instructed her to rest for six months. After three months, there was no improvement, so she did her own research and consulted a surgeon who confirmed she had Chronic Compartment Syndrome – an exercise-induced muscle and nerve condition that causes pain, swelling and sometimes disability – and she was scheduled for surgery.
“I woke up from my operation expecting to be healed, but found myself instead in immense pain and with a foot I couldn’t move!”
As a paramedic Gaelyn knew what to look for more than the average person and, after undergoing painful nerve conduction studies, getting a second opinion and undergoing a second surgery some months later, she learned that the previous surgeon had severed three bundles of nerves and 75 per cent of a fourth. The new surgeon grafted the nerves and explained that she would need to wait two years to see if the surgery had worked.
There was no improvement with her foot drop, and it seemed as though Gaelyn’s condition would be permanent. But that didn’t stop her from challenging herself. For the next few months, she spent hours every day relearning how to walk, drive and run. She wore a permanent leg brace. In 2015, she attempted (but failed) a half Ironman, and was the only paraplegic woman to come last and first at the same time. She went on a mission to raise money for people who couldn’t afford prosthetics.
Since her first surgery in 2011, Gaelyn has lost 35kg. She started her own business to help others reach their weight loss goals and took up CrossFit. But, the years of yo-yo dieting had taken their toll, and Gaelyn’s weight eventually doubled.
“Having been obese my whole life, I felt like a failure watching others successfully lose weight and not being able to achieve the same. I tried it all – personal trainers, dieting, black market pills. Nothing worked.”
By this stage Gaelyn had fatty liver disease, gallstones and a benign tumour on her liver. She was insulin resistant, and still in chronic pain.
“I had a medical condition – an eating disorder – that needed medical intervention. I needed to do something to save my life, so I investigated bariatric (weight loss) surgery.”
Since she met the surgery requirements Gaelyn underwent bariatric surgery in February 2022. Just two weeks later, she was hit with severe nausea and vomiting. It was constant. Each time she was readmitted to hospital, she underwent routine testing, put on IVs and then sent home. What nobody picked up, until a neurologist came to see her, was that Gaelyn had developed a Thiamine (Vitamin B1) deficiency. Fairly uncommon, its symptoms range from fatigue to nerve damage, heart issues and paralysis.
“I was becoming paralysed, with nerve damage, from my neck down. My voice and my breathing changed, I lost the use of my bladder and I had to have a drip in my neck because I couldn’t keep anything down.”
Gaelyn recalls lying in her hospital bed and being told that within 48 hours she was likely to be in ICU on a ventilator facing mortality.
“I have three beautiful children – five year old Stevie, Jessi, who’s three, and my stepdaughter Zoe who is 19. My concern wasn’t learning to walk anymore, it was whether I was going to live.”
After her diagnosis, Gaelyn stopped deteriorating. She was lucky to have survived, but the hardest part of her journey was still to come. She spent a total of 49 days in the hospital, during which time she grappled with the months of physio, rehabilitation, being at the mercy of others and a body that felt like it was failing her.
What made is even harder was the fact that her children were not allowed to visit her in the ward, which was traumatic for them all.
“I think I’m done, I told the nurse. I was tired, felt defeated and couldn’t bear the thought of never being completely ME for my girls. It was only when the nurse asked me what I wanted her to tell my children if I gave up the struggle, that I realized I had to keep fighting.”
And so began Gaelyn’s mental and physical fight to survive it all, no matter how overwhelming it was.
“My children gave me reason, and the love and encouragement from friends, family and others who were rooting for me, gave me strength. I also realized how vital vulnerability is to recovery. My diagnosis and experience might have been very unique, but my suffering was not, and we all have the power to overcome, it’s a hell of a lot easier if you’re not doing it on your own.”
A firm believer that everything she went through was for a good reason, Gaelyn started a WhatsApp support group for women considering bariatric surgery. She’s also studying trauma debriefing, end of life doula training and post-partum doula training.
In July she became a certified Professional Life Coach and launched The Bariatric Doula, a platform she coaches women on bariatric surgery journeys.
“It’s the one thing I wish I’d had on mine. A friend, counsellor, confidante … someone experienced enough to help provide the tools to get me through.”
Now 60kg lighter, almost half her weight prior to surgery, Gaelyn is standing strong. She’s made huge progress because she’s invested the time and refuses to be weak. All her chronic conditions are gone, apart from the chronic pain due to the nerve damage she’s suffered. She exercises every day, goes to gym three times a week (she works closely with a personal trainer on recovery exercises), she’s signed up for singing lessons, dance classes and is pouring her heart into being the most authentic version of herself.
“Life changes in an instant. Don’t waste precious time hating who you are or what you look like. You are so much more than your size, your hair, your height, your weight, your skin, your teeth or your stretch marks. I did this because I loved myself enough, and I would never be where I am now if I hadn’t been through what I have. Whenever I am having a bad day, I just look down at my scars – the biggest of which is 40cm long – and remind myself how far I’ve come! I’ve surpassed all expectations, achieved so much despite my disability, and I will carry on pushing myself to greatness! I’ve learnt how strong I am, and I have become unstoppable!
Details: IG: @gaecokayne and @thebariatricdoula
Gaelyn’s tips to be life-inspired
- Be kind. Always. To yourself and to others.
- Honesty and integrity matter.
- Sometimes you’ll find it easy to be brave. Other times bravery and courage seem impossible to reach. And that’s ok. It will always return.
- Find your why. When you know your reason, it will be so much easier to push through the tough times.
- Remember that you aren’t the first person to go through something, and you won’t be the last.
- Don’t be scared to ask for help. You’d be amazed at how many people want to see you succeed and happy, and want to help you get there.
- When you’re able to, offer your help to others. What you take from the universe, put back.
- Find joy in the small things. Whether it’s a cup of tea you drink while it’s still hot, petting a dog on a walk, five minutes of sunshine, the start of a new book, a date with yourself, or the smell of the ocean – don’t wait for big moments to be happy. There are countless little ones you can find every day if you look for them.
- Don’t be scared to try something new, be bad at it, and keep at it simply because you enjoy it. You don’t have to be great. You don’t even have to be good at it. If it makes you happy, do it!
- Work actively, and intentionally, at self-love. It won’t come easily. It will require practice and effort. But the rewards of truly loving yourself are so worth it!
Full credits:
Photo: Derryn Schmidt, IG: @derrynschmidt and www.derrynschmidt.com; Make up for family photo: Stephanie Smith, IG: @sssmith_za; Hair and make-up for individual photos: Kendra Whelan, IG: @thedrybardbn; Lashes: Cobi Naudé, IG: @miaco_bycobinaude
