Shouqat Mugjenker, Mental Health Portfolio Manager at Pharma Dynamics says bullying, which is a major societal problem globally and in South Africa, has far-reaching mental health effects, which may carry into adulthood.
Mugjenker notes that one of the ways bullying behaviour can be stopped is if parents get more involved. Here are some of his suggestions:
- There are many behaviours that may look like bullying, but require different approaches, therefore it is important to understand exactly what bullying is. In short, it is a deliberate attempt to repeatedly hurt someone over an extended period. The bully often chooses someone he/she deems vulnerable in order to place him/her in a position of power.
- Bully behaviour can manifest in physical abuse, verbal abuse, relational bullying, such as excluding the victim, spreading rumours or getting others to hurt the victim. Cyberbullying is another common form, which includes sending hurtful messages or images via the internet or cellphone.
- Although many children feel too ashamed to admit they’re being bullied, they do give clues. Refusing to want to go to school, avoiding class, clamming up when you try to discuss school, asking for a change in routine (dropping off, picking up from school), not wanting to participate in school activities or extra-murals, complaints of headaches, stomach cramps or nausea, a drop in academic performance, sudden bursts of anger, wanting to be left alone and unexplained bruises or injuries could all be signs that your child has fallen victim to a bully.
- If your child is a bully, he/she may exhibit a lack of empathy (in general), need for control, deriving pleasure from pain and suffering of others, lashes out or attacks before others do, refuses to play with certain children, has been bullied by a peer, sibling or parent, persists in unpleasant behaviour even after you have addressed it, is overly concerned with being popular, is intolerant of others who are different, frequently teases or taunts others, plays aggressive videogames, hurts animals etc.
- Parents too should model positive behaviour, so guard against gossiping, what you say and how you treat others as children will pick up on these traits. Be sure to provide a loving and supportive home structure where children feel emotionally safe and cared for.
- Talk about bullying in the home and that it’s not acceptable. There are various books and videos that are available from the library that are a great help if you’re not sure how to address the subject.
- Teach children to do something when they witness bullying such as calling an adult for help or coming to the aid of the victim.
- Teach your child appropriate social skills. Role plays different scenarios with your child, such as how to join a game at school, make new friends, why it’s important to share and wait their turn, how to deal with conflict, ways of showing others respect and that you care for them etc. These are all ways to help build self-esteem.
- Coach children on how to stand up to a bully. Help your child understand that a bully wants to feel powerful, so if you show emotion and fight back that’s exactly what he/she wants. A victim could potentially diffuse the situation by looking at the bully in the eye and responding evenly and firmly. Practice various responses with your child until he/she is confident in handling difficult situations.
- Lastly, report cases of bullying to the school and take further action if nothing is done about it.
“As parents equip themselves and their children with the right skills we can help create a future free from bullying and peer victimisation, while policymakers and healthcare professionals should be aware of the close link between bullying and mental health when they implement prevention and treatment interventions,” reiterates Mugjenker.
If you are a victim of bullying and don’t know who to turn to, contact Pharma Dynamics’ toll-free helpline on 0800 205 026, which is manned by trained counsellors who are on call from 8am to 8pm, seven days a week. For additional support, visit www.letstalkmh.co.za